at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
