Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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