Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
