The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
