So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
