She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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