I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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