I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
