i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
