Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
