Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
