I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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