Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
