who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
