Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
