allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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