Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
