I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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