remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
