i need an iv and a liver transplant
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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