i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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