You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
