I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
