why didn't you poke me back
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize