Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
