when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
