god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
