Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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