Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
