i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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