I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
