Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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