Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had sex on a roof
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
