Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
