Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
