at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
