Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
