me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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