we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
