I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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