where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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