Moan for me like Helen Keller
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
