you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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