it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
