Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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