I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
