Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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