It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
