I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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