Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
