Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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