I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
