Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
