He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
