I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
