I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize