KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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