dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
