I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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