so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
