I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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