I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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